You have our permission to STOP HIM -- using (almost) any means necessary!!!
Last Sunday, an older and visibly frail woman at church just about tackled him in the choir loft. I was sure he was going to flatten her. Luckily, no one was injured, and Brandon's mad dash to the microphone was cut short. Do you know how to kill the mood during a very spiritual and emotional speaker? Brandon does! I should apologize to the congregation, but everyone keeps telling me how much they love the entertainment he offers. You're welcome?
I don't know what's worse, watching him run rampant through the chapel, or the 200+ heads that turn to see my reaction . . . :-) I've learned that my face flushes less if I just laugh!
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
A new kind of love
Today has been an emotional day. A wonderfully emotional day. My heart is so full, I could burst!
My fear of "going public" is gone. I exposed a part of me that is usually saved for closest family members and friends -- and it is liberating!
This journey of ours has been rough, but we've had plenty of help along the way.
After becoming a mother, I discovered a kind of love that I had not yet felt, or anticipated. It is the love you feel for people who love your children. I am talking about teachers, aides, therapists, doctors, clergy, friends, extended family, and the list goes on. As parents, we are wired to love our children from the moment their lives begin -- those around us have to want to love our children. There is a special place in heaven for people who choose to work with, and love special-needs children. Brandon spends the majority of the week in the hands of teachers and aides who are priceless. He has been in full-day school since the day he turned 3.
I still cringe to think of that fateful day. He ate his oatmeal for breakfast, put on his sweatshirt (which was a battle even then), and I walked him out to the bus, and handed him off to a stranger. Nothing prepares you to watch your 3-year-old baby's fuzzy head drive away on a big huge bus. I may not have survived that moment if I did not believe he was going somewhere safe and loving.
Years have passed, teachers and classrooms have changed -- and one thing remains the same -- he is always surrounded by love. We have been lucky enough to have aides in our home, and every one of them has been wonderful. Granted, Brandon is easy to love. He is very affectionate, and always happy to hug and cuddle. This is not very characteristic of children with Autism, so we consider it a huge blessing. Even after his worst tantrums, he wants to be held and loved -- which is usually as healing for him as it is for the person holding him.
I think of the tantrums he has at school and church -- the ones I never see. I think of the arms holding him tight, the calm voices and gentle hands; keeping him safe -- even from himself.
He is surrounded by love.
So, thank you to those of you who know and love Brandon -- those who have worked with him at school and church, and the special family members and friends who step in at a moments notice to offer relief and support. We could not survive this without you. Your place in our hearts is permanent, even if we part ways in this life.
Also, thank you to those who have never met Brandon, but have shown our family love through your generosity. We will never forget how we felt today -- thanks to you.
My fear of "going public" is gone. I exposed a part of me that is usually saved for closest family members and friends -- and it is liberating!
This journey of ours has been rough, but we've had plenty of help along the way.
After becoming a mother, I discovered a kind of love that I had not yet felt, or anticipated. It is the love you feel for people who love your children. I am talking about teachers, aides, therapists, doctors, clergy, friends, extended family, and the list goes on. As parents, we are wired to love our children from the moment their lives begin -- those around us have to want to love our children. There is a special place in heaven for people who choose to work with, and love special-needs children. Brandon spends the majority of the week in the hands of teachers and aides who are priceless. He has been in full-day school since the day he turned 3.
I still cringe to think of that fateful day. He ate his oatmeal for breakfast, put on his sweatshirt (which was a battle even then), and I walked him out to the bus, and handed him off to a stranger. Nothing prepares you to watch your 3-year-old baby's fuzzy head drive away on a big huge bus. I may not have survived that moment if I did not believe he was going somewhere safe and loving.
Years have passed, teachers and classrooms have changed -- and one thing remains the same -- he is always surrounded by love. We have been lucky enough to have aides in our home, and every one of them has been wonderful. Granted, Brandon is easy to love. He is very affectionate, and always happy to hug and cuddle. This is not very characteristic of children with Autism, so we consider it a huge blessing. Even after his worst tantrums, he wants to be held and loved -- which is usually as healing for him as it is for the person holding him.
I think of the tantrums he has at school and church -- the ones I never see. I think of the arms holding him tight, the calm voices and gentle hands; keeping him safe -- even from himself.
He is surrounded by love.
So, thank you to those of you who know and love Brandon -- those who have worked with him at school and church, and the special family members and friends who step in at a moments notice to offer relief and support. We could not survive this without you. Your place in our hearts is permanent, even if we part ways in this life.
Also, thank you to those who have never met Brandon, but have shown our family love through your generosity. We will never forget how we felt today -- thanks to you.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
An iPad for Brandon
I started this blog last year- thinking I would update it often, and then I forgot about it. Maybe I just needed a quick outlet? I read back over the few old posts, and they brought tears to my eyes. What a journey we have been on. I never planned to make this blog public, but have recently felt prompted to share our story. These days are just as difficult, yet completely different than the days I wrote about last year. It is strange to see what has happened to our family as we have struggled to live with Autism. We are less and less adventurous- now avoiding most situations that take us outside the home, and even avoiding company in our home. Recently, Brandon has turned a corner. With the help of an amazing Doctor, he is on a new medication that is helping make his home and school lives happier, and a little less chaotic. We, however, are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's like we've been holding our breath for 2 months. It hurts. We are determined to be braver this year -- starting with throwing Brandon his first "real" birthday party! It will be small, and well-supervised, but are still so nervous! Wish us luck!
We have also been brainstorming to come up with other things that may help Brandon at home, and in public. We met with his teacher this week, and she strongly encouraged us to get Brandon an iPad. She is convinced that his increased access will help academically and behaviorally. He uses one at school, and I have been very surprised at the progress he has made because of it (along with the medicine- they work hand-in-hand). His language is improving rapidly, and he has a sudden obsession with all things alphabetic. Does this mean reading is just around the corner? I hope so! So, it is time to get a little creative, and figure out how to get an iPad in our home sooner than later. Luckily, I quickly came across an article about a family living with Autism, and how they used ChipIn to raise money for their son's iPad. It's worth a shot, right? We are hoping to raise enough money for the iPad, a very sturdy and Brandon-proof case (is there such a thing? I hope so!), and maybe some iTunes credit for his favorite apps.
Here are a few articles and news clips that explain a little more about how iPads can help children with Autism.
http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2011/03/09/can-apple-ipad-cure-autism/
http://www.blogher.com/ipad-nearmiracle-my-son-autism
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7385702n
We realize that having an iPad will not "cure" Brandon. However, an iPad, used appropriately, can help encourage positive and more appropriate behaviors. We plan to use it with his in-home therapy, and maybe as a way to make public outings more of a possibility. If having one improves our family's ability to engage with the outside world- bring it on! :-)
If you would like to contribute to Brandon's iPad fund, please click the "ChipIn" button on the sidebar. The process is fairly painless- and accepts paypal, debit or credit cards. Any amount is appreciated!
Thank you for reading about our little family! We are very lucky to have so many understanding and loving friends and family members!
*For some reason, Google Chrome does not like my widget. Try Explorer or Firefox if you are having trouble.
**Thank you to all who have already contributed! I am completely overwhelmed at the generosity and support!!
We have also been brainstorming to come up with other things that may help Brandon at home, and in public. We met with his teacher this week, and she strongly encouraged us to get Brandon an iPad. She is convinced that his increased access will help academically and behaviorally. He uses one at school, and I have been very surprised at the progress he has made because of it (along with the medicine- they work hand-in-hand). His language is improving rapidly, and he has a sudden obsession with all things alphabetic. Does this mean reading is just around the corner? I hope so! So, it is time to get a little creative, and figure out how to get an iPad in our home sooner than later. Luckily, I quickly came across an article about a family living with Autism, and how they used ChipIn to raise money for their son's iPad. It's worth a shot, right? We are hoping to raise enough money for the iPad, a very sturdy and Brandon-proof case (is there such a thing? I hope so!), and maybe some iTunes credit for his favorite apps.
Here are a few articles and news clips that explain a little more about how iPads can help children with Autism.
http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2011/03/09/can-apple-ipad-cure-autism/
http://www.blogher.com/ipad-nearmiracle-my-son-autism
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7385702n
We realize that having an iPad will not "cure" Brandon. However, an iPad, used appropriately, can help encourage positive and more appropriate behaviors. We plan to use it with his in-home therapy, and maybe as a way to make public outings more of a possibility. If having one improves our family's ability to engage with the outside world- bring it on! :-)
If you would like to contribute to Brandon's iPad fund, please click the "ChipIn" button on the sidebar. The process is fairly painless- and accepts paypal, debit or credit cards. Any amount is appreciated!
Thank you for reading about our little family! We are very lucky to have so many understanding and loving friends and family members!
*For some reason, Google Chrome does not like my widget. Try Explorer or Firefox if you are having trouble.
**Thank you to all who have already contributed! I am completely overwhelmed at the generosity and support!!
Friday, October 1, 2010
Tender Mercy of the week
Brandon has had school off all week, which makes life very difficult (when his routine is thrown off). But it's finally Friday, and he goes back to school on Monday!!
I just wanted to share an amazing experience I had yesterday. I had to run to Costco with the two boys (never a good idea without backup), and Brandon was in a bad mood. By the time we got to the check-out he was yelling and thrashing around in the cart. It was so embarrassing. I just can't handle that much public attention. Anyway, I was walking around the counter to see if I could calm him down when suddenly someone was hugging me! I turned around and saw Brandon's teacher!!! She was checking out at the counter right next to us! She swooped in and helped distract Brandon so I could pay for everything. Then she walked me out and made sure I got to my car okay. She was so soothing and encouraging. I cried the whole way home. What a tender mercy!! Of all people to run into at that moment!
So, it's been a rough week, but I know the Lord is very aware of me. :-)
I just wanted to share an amazing experience I had yesterday. I had to run to Costco with the two boys (never a good idea without backup), and Brandon was in a bad mood. By the time we got to the check-out he was yelling and thrashing around in the cart. It was so embarrassing. I just can't handle that much public attention. Anyway, I was walking around the counter to see if I could calm him down when suddenly someone was hugging me! I turned around and saw Brandon's teacher!!! She was checking out at the counter right next to us! She swooped in and helped distract Brandon so I could pay for everything. Then she walked me out and made sure I got to my car okay. She was so soothing and encouraging. I cried the whole way home. What a tender mercy!! Of all people to run into at that moment!
So, it's been a rough week, but I know the Lord is very aware of me. :-)
Saturday, September 25, 2010
a good day
Today has been a good day. Nothing too out of the ordinary has happened. Rylie went to her soccer game in 90 degree weather (yuck), and I had some time alone with Brandon while Levi took a nap. I read him a story and held him on my lap while he watched the end of 'Up'. he was happy to let me rub his back and he didn't even throw a fit when I turned off the TV (which is huge). I live for days like today. The whole mood of the house is different when Brandon has a good day. My nerves are relaxed and I can take things on like organizing the tupperware cupboard. :-)
I realized later that 2 things have happened over the past few months that I thought never would. One, Brandon can swim. My nightmares about him drowning are gone (they're now about Levi- sheesh). He loves the water so much, and now that he is water-safe I can breathe so much easier, especially since he can open the gate to the pool at Mamaw's house. Two, he poops on the potty. He is completely potty trained. I truly NEVER thought this would happen. We keep him in a pull-up at home, just in case, but he doesn't really need it! It was night an day too. One day he didn't, the next he did. I don't know what clicked for him, but I don't care! I am thrilled!
There you have it. My two Brandon miracles. Miracles!
Today is a good day.
I realized later that 2 things have happened over the past few months that I thought never would. One, Brandon can swim. My nightmares about him drowning are gone (they're now about Levi- sheesh). He loves the water so much, and now that he is water-safe I can breathe so much easier, especially since he can open the gate to the pool at Mamaw's house. Two, he poops on the potty. He is completely potty trained. I truly NEVER thought this would happen. We keep him in a pull-up at home, just in case, but he doesn't really need it! It was night an day too. One day he didn't, the next he did. I don't know what clicked for him, but I don't care! I am thrilled!
There you have it. My two Brandon miracles. Miracles!
Today is a good day.
Just for me . . . I think.
I have decided that I have things I need to write down. I don't know if I want other people to read them, yet. My like is fairly crazy these days. Maybe I should break it down by child.
Rylie. Rylie is amazing. She is smart and funny and my biggest help. I worry all the time that she is too neglected or forced to grow up too quickly. I worry about her academics. Should I have held her back a year? Will she get the hang of writing and spelling and math, or should I get her a tutor? She is very busy right now outside the home. I always promised myself that my kids wouldn't be too busy after school. I didn't want them to miss out on just being kids. Then comes the pressure of doing it all. Dance, music, athletics, etc. Sheesh. We have her in OCMCO, which I think is super important, and I am thrilled that she can be a part of such an amazing choir. She is also playing soccer. Luckily, she is better this year. I think she 'gets' the game now, and is actually trying to get the ball in the goal. I just hate the mid-week and Saturday commitments. I would pull her, but then she would miss out on that shared experience with her peers. I will always regret not playing soccer. I remember my mom piling us in the van to take me to my first practice. I remember having a complete meltdown because I was too scared to go join in (I think we were late and they had already started). She decided it wasn't worth the fight, and took us home. I was happy about it until my friends at school started talking about how fun soccer is, and how much they love their uniforms, etc. I remember pretending that I was on a team, so I didn't feel left out. Seriously.
Anyway, back to Rylie :)
We also have her doing Therapeutic horseback riding with Brandon. It is expensive, but I was not about to tell her that we were going to let Brandon ride horses, and not her. She has told me several times how much she dreams about riding a horse.
So, she is a busy girl with a crazy home life.
I also worry about the fact that we don't have a solid home for her. I grew up in the same home most of my life, and Rylie has had to pick up and move so many times. I hope it doesn't hurt her in some way. I want our lives to be stable, home, happy dad at work. All that good stuff. Maybe that is still in our future. Who knows.
On to Brandon. Oh, Brandon, what are we going to do with you?
One of these days I am going to videotape one of his (hourly) tantrums and post it online so that people can get a realistic view of what we deal with 24/7. Brandon makes our life very stressful. He is in the middle of B-12 injection treatments, which have caused some pretty horrible behaviour issues. This treatment is supposed to help after a few months, but the initial side-effects are pretty rough. He is so beautiful. I find myself staring at him often -- in awe of his perfect features and gorgeous eyes. If only I could get a good look at what is going on inside that precious head of his. I wish. I wish I could know how to truly help him. I try my best to give him everything he needs, when he needs it. We have him in a fantastic school, we are careful with his diet, I give him injections that are supposed to help, and I try my best to be calm and gentle with him. I just constantly feel like I'm on the verge of a complete meltdown. I want to be the best advocate I can, but I am so exhausted. I want someone to hand me a list of things I need to do to help him, because I am tired of guessing. I am tired of wishing. Now, all we need is him to start talking and eating. Is that too much to ask? Seriously though, we love him to pieces. Seeing the world through his eyes has changed me as a person and mother. When he learns something new, my heart about bursts. So, I guess bottom line, he is my biggest trial and joy at the same time!
And last, but not least, my precious Levi. What a blessing he is to me! He has brought me so much joy in a year that has not been very pleasant. I am amazed at everything he is learning so quickly. I wasn't really paying attention to Brandon at this age because he was so independent. He was so different than Rylie that I just wrote it off as being a "boy" and went on with life. Levi is a completely different story. The poor little guy is under my 'mommy microscope'. Every developmental milestone is met with cheers and tears (I really didn't rhyme that on purpose!). I am thrilled that he is progressing so well. I think he even said "thank you" to me today! In a matter of a couple weeks he has started clapping on command, waving, saying "bye," "go" and (of course) "dada." He dances to any music he hears and shakes his head "no". He knocks on doors too, which frequently surprises me! I can put him down in his crib at nap time and walk away. He will cry for a couple minutes, but no more trying to transfer a sleeping baby! He is also sleeping better at night. We are still nursing. I like the down-time it gives me, and I like knowing that he is getting the best nutrition I can give him. He eats everything he can get his hands on, food or otherwise. So fun. Wendy calls him Hoover. :) I love my sweet baby! The poor kid is bound to be spoiled rotten. Oh well. I'm happy to do it!
So there you have it. My kids are my life. Sometime that is a good thing, sometimes not- but it is what it is. I figure I'll get the hang of this mothering thing eventually, hopefully before I screw Rylie up too badly :-)
Rylie. Rylie is amazing. She is smart and funny and my biggest help. I worry all the time that she is too neglected or forced to grow up too quickly. I worry about her academics. Should I have held her back a year? Will she get the hang of writing and spelling and math, or should I get her a tutor? She is very busy right now outside the home. I always promised myself that my kids wouldn't be too busy after school. I didn't want them to miss out on just being kids. Then comes the pressure of doing it all. Dance, music, athletics, etc. Sheesh. We have her in OCMCO, which I think is super important, and I am thrilled that she can be a part of such an amazing choir. She is also playing soccer. Luckily, she is better this year. I think she 'gets' the game now, and is actually trying to get the ball in the goal. I just hate the mid-week and Saturday commitments. I would pull her, but then she would miss out on that shared experience with her peers. I will always regret not playing soccer. I remember my mom piling us in the van to take me to my first practice. I remember having a complete meltdown because I was too scared to go join in (I think we were late and they had already started). She decided it wasn't worth the fight, and took us home. I was happy about it until my friends at school started talking about how fun soccer is, and how much they love their uniforms, etc. I remember pretending that I was on a team, so I didn't feel left out. Seriously.
Anyway, back to Rylie :)
We also have her doing Therapeutic horseback riding with Brandon. It is expensive, but I was not about to tell her that we were going to let Brandon ride horses, and not her. She has told me several times how much she dreams about riding a horse.
So, she is a busy girl with a crazy home life.
I also worry about the fact that we don't have a solid home for her. I grew up in the same home most of my life, and Rylie has had to pick up and move so many times. I hope it doesn't hurt her in some way. I want our lives to be stable, home, happy dad at work. All that good stuff. Maybe that is still in our future. Who knows.
On to Brandon. Oh, Brandon, what are we going to do with you?
One of these days I am going to videotape one of his (hourly) tantrums and post it online so that people can get a realistic view of what we deal with 24/7. Brandon makes our life very stressful. He is in the middle of B-12 injection treatments, which have caused some pretty horrible behaviour issues. This treatment is supposed to help after a few months, but the initial side-effects are pretty rough. He is so beautiful. I find myself staring at him often -- in awe of his perfect features and gorgeous eyes. If only I could get a good look at what is going on inside that precious head of his. I wish. I wish I could know how to truly help him. I try my best to give him everything he needs, when he needs it. We have him in a fantastic school, we are careful with his diet, I give him injections that are supposed to help, and I try my best to be calm and gentle with him. I just constantly feel like I'm on the verge of a complete meltdown. I want to be the best advocate I can, but I am so exhausted. I want someone to hand me a list of things I need to do to help him, because I am tired of guessing. I am tired of wishing. Now, all we need is him to start talking and eating. Is that too much to ask? Seriously though, we love him to pieces. Seeing the world through his eyes has changed me as a person and mother. When he learns something new, my heart about bursts. So, I guess bottom line, he is my biggest trial and joy at the same time!
And last, but not least, my precious Levi. What a blessing he is to me! He has brought me so much joy in a year that has not been very pleasant. I am amazed at everything he is learning so quickly. I wasn't really paying attention to Brandon at this age because he was so independent. He was so different than Rylie that I just wrote it off as being a "boy" and went on with life. Levi is a completely different story. The poor little guy is under my 'mommy microscope'. Every developmental milestone is met with cheers and tears (I really didn't rhyme that on purpose!). I am thrilled that he is progressing so well. I think he even said "thank you" to me today! In a matter of a couple weeks he has started clapping on command, waving, saying "bye," "go" and (of course) "dada." He dances to any music he hears and shakes his head "no". He knocks on doors too, which frequently surprises me! I can put him down in his crib at nap time and walk away. He will cry for a couple minutes, but no more trying to transfer a sleeping baby! He is also sleeping better at night. We are still nursing. I like the down-time it gives me, and I like knowing that he is getting the best nutrition I can give him. He eats everything he can get his hands on, food or otherwise. So fun. Wendy calls him Hoover. :) I love my sweet baby! The poor kid is bound to be spoiled rotten. Oh well. I'm happy to do it!
So there you have it. My kids are my life. Sometime that is a good thing, sometimes not- but it is what it is. I figure I'll get the hang of this mothering thing eventually, hopefully before I screw Rylie up too badly :-)
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