Today has been a good day. Nothing too out of the ordinary has happened. Rylie went to her soccer game in 90 degree weather (yuck), and I had some time alone with Brandon while Levi took a nap. I read him a story and held him on my lap while he watched the end of 'Up'. he was happy to let me rub his back and he didn't even throw a fit when I turned off the TV (which is huge). I live for days like today. The whole mood of the house is different when Brandon has a good day. My nerves are relaxed and I can take things on like organizing the tupperware cupboard. :-)
I realized later that 2 things have happened over the past few months that I thought never would. One, Brandon can swim. My nightmares about him drowning are gone (they're now about Levi- sheesh). He loves the water so much, and now that he is water-safe I can breathe so much easier, especially since he can open the gate to the pool at Mamaw's house. Two, he poops on the potty. He is completely potty trained. I truly NEVER thought this would happen. We keep him in a pull-up at home, just in case, but he doesn't really need it! It was night an day too. One day he didn't, the next he did. I don't know what clicked for him, but I don't care! I am thrilled!
There you have it. My two Brandon miracles. Miracles!
Today is a good day.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Just for me . . . I think.
I have decided that I have things I need to write down. I don't know if I want other people to read them, yet. My like is fairly crazy these days. Maybe I should break it down by child.
Rylie. Rylie is amazing. She is smart and funny and my biggest help. I worry all the time that she is too neglected or forced to grow up too quickly. I worry about her academics. Should I have held her back a year? Will she get the hang of writing and spelling and math, or should I get her a tutor? She is very busy right now outside the home. I always promised myself that my kids wouldn't be too busy after school. I didn't want them to miss out on just being kids. Then comes the pressure of doing it all. Dance, music, athletics, etc. Sheesh. We have her in OCMCO, which I think is super important, and I am thrilled that she can be a part of such an amazing choir. She is also playing soccer. Luckily, she is better this year. I think she 'gets' the game now, and is actually trying to get the ball in the goal. I just hate the mid-week and Saturday commitments. I would pull her, but then she would miss out on that shared experience with her peers. I will always regret not playing soccer. I remember my mom piling us in the van to take me to my first practice. I remember having a complete meltdown because I was too scared to go join in (I think we were late and they had already started). She decided it wasn't worth the fight, and took us home. I was happy about it until my friends at school started talking about how fun soccer is, and how much they love their uniforms, etc. I remember pretending that I was on a team, so I didn't feel left out. Seriously.
Anyway, back to Rylie :)
We also have her doing Therapeutic horseback riding with Brandon. It is expensive, but I was not about to tell her that we were going to let Brandon ride horses, and not her. She has told me several times how much she dreams about riding a horse.
So, she is a busy girl with a crazy home life.
I also worry about the fact that we don't have a solid home for her. I grew up in the same home most of my life, and Rylie has had to pick up and move so many times. I hope it doesn't hurt her in some way. I want our lives to be stable, home, happy dad at work. All that good stuff. Maybe that is still in our future. Who knows.
On to Brandon. Oh, Brandon, what are we going to do with you?
One of these days I am going to videotape one of his (hourly) tantrums and post it online so that people can get a realistic view of what we deal with 24/7. Brandon makes our life very stressful. He is in the middle of B-12 injection treatments, which have caused some pretty horrible behaviour issues. This treatment is supposed to help after a few months, but the initial side-effects are pretty rough. He is so beautiful. I find myself staring at him often -- in awe of his perfect features and gorgeous eyes. If only I could get a good look at what is going on inside that precious head of his. I wish. I wish I could know how to truly help him. I try my best to give him everything he needs, when he needs it. We have him in a fantastic school, we are careful with his diet, I give him injections that are supposed to help, and I try my best to be calm and gentle with him. I just constantly feel like I'm on the verge of a complete meltdown. I want to be the best advocate I can, but I am so exhausted. I want someone to hand me a list of things I need to do to help him, because I am tired of guessing. I am tired of wishing. Now, all we need is him to start talking and eating. Is that too much to ask? Seriously though, we love him to pieces. Seeing the world through his eyes has changed me as a person and mother. When he learns something new, my heart about bursts. So, I guess bottom line, he is my biggest trial and joy at the same time!
And last, but not least, my precious Levi. What a blessing he is to me! He has brought me so much joy in a year that has not been very pleasant. I am amazed at everything he is learning so quickly. I wasn't really paying attention to Brandon at this age because he was so independent. He was so different than Rylie that I just wrote it off as being a "boy" and went on with life. Levi is a completely different story. The poor little guy is under my 'mommy microscope'. Every developmental milestone is met with cheers and tears (I really didn't rhyme that on purpose!). I am thrilled that he is progressing so well. I think he even said "thank you" to me today! In a matter of a couple weeks he has started clapping on command, waving, saying "bye," "go" and (of course) "dada." He dances to any music he hears and shakes his head "no". He knocks on doors too, which frequently surprises me! I can put him down in his crib at nap time and walk away. He will cry for a couple minutes, but no more trying to transfer a sleeping baby! He is also sleeping better at night. We are still nursing. I like the down-time it gives me, and I like knowing that he is getting the best nutrition I can give him. He eats everything he can get his hands on, food or otherwise. So fun. Wendy calls him Hoover. :) I love my sweet baby! The poor kid is bound to be spoiled rotten. Oh well. I'm happy to do it!
So there you have it. My kids are my life. Sometime that is a good thing, sometimes not- but it is what it is. I figure I'll get the hang of this mothering thing eventually, hopefully before I screw Rylie up too badly :-)
Rylie. Rylie is amazing. She is smart and funny and my biggest help. I worry all the time that she is too neglected or forced to grow up too quickly. I worry about her academics. Should I have held her back a year? Will she get the hang of writing and spelling and math, or should I get her a tutor? She is very busy right now outside the home. I always promised myself that my kids wouldn't be too busy after school. I didn't want them to miss out on just being kids. Then comes the pressure of doing it all. Dance, music, athletics, etc. Sheesh. We have her in OCMCO, which I think is super important, and I am thrilled that she can be a part of such an amazing choir. She is also playing soccer. Luckily, she is better this year. I think she 'gets' the game now, and is actually trying to get the ball in the goal. I just hate the mid-week and Saturday commitments. I would pull her, but then she would miss out on that shared experience with her peers. I will always regret not playing soccer. I remember my mom piling us in the van to take me to my first practice. I remember having a complete meltdown because I was too scared to go join in (I think we were late and they had already started). She decided it wasn't worth the fight, and took us home. I was happy about it until my friends at school started talking about how fun soccer is, and how much they love their uniforms, etc. I remember pretending that I was on a team, so I didn't feel left out. Seriously.
Anyway, back to Rylie :)
We also have her doing Therapeutic horseback riding with Brandon. It is expensive, but I was not about to tell her that we were going to let Brandon ride horses, and not her. She has told me several times how much she dreams about riding a horse.
So, she is a busy girl with a crazy home life.
I also worry about the fact that we don't have a solid home for her. I grew up in the same home most of my life, and Rylie has had to pick up and move so many times. I hope it doesn't hurt her in some way. I want our lives to be stable, home, happy dad at work. All that good stuff. Maybe that is still in our future. Who knows.
On to Brandon. Oh, Brandon, what are we going to do with you?
One of these days I am going to videotape one of his (hourly) tantrums and post it online so that people can get a realistic view of what we deal with 24/7. Brandon makes our life very stressful. He is in the middle of B-12 injection treatments, which have caused some pretty horrible behaviour issues. This treatment is supposed to help after a few months, but the initial side-effects are pretty rough. He is so beautiful. I find myself staring at him often -- in awe of his perfect features and gorgeous eyes. If only I could get a good look at what is going on inside that precious head of his. I wish. I wish I could know how to truly help him. I try my best to give him everything he needs, when he needs it. We have him in a fantastic school, we are careful with his diet, I give him injections that are supposed to help, and I try my best to be calm and gentle with him. I just constantly feel like I'm on the verge of a complete meltdown. I want to be the best advocate I can, but I am so exhausted. I want someone to hand me a list of things I need to do to help him, because I am tired of guessing. I am tired of wishing. Now, all we need is him to start talking and eating. Is that too much to ask? Seriously though, we love him to pieces. Seeing the world through his eyes has changed me as a person and mother. When he learns something new, my heart about bursts. So, I guess bottom line, he is my biggest trial and joy at the same time!
And last, but not least, my precious Levi. What a blessing he is to me! He has brought me so much joy in a year that has not been very pleasant. I am amazed at everything he is learning so quickly. I wasn't really paying attention to Brandon at this age because he was so independent. He was so different than Rylie that I just wrote it off as being a "boy" and went on with life. Levi is a completely different story. The poor little guy is under my 'mommy microscope'. Every developmental milestone is met with cheers and tears (I really didn't rhyme that on purpose!). I am thrilled that he is progressing so well. I think he even said "thank you" to me today! In a matter of a couple weeks he has started clapping on command, waving, saying "bye," "go" and (of course) "dada." He dances to any music he hears and shakes his head "no". He knocks on doors too, which frequently surprises me! I can put him down in his crib at nap time and walk away. He will cry for a couple minutes, but no more trying to transfer a sleeping baby! He is also sleeping better at night. We are still nursing. I like the down-time it gives me, and I like knowing that he is getting the best nutrition I can give him. He eats everything he can get his hands on, food or otherwise. So fun. Wendy calls him Hoover. :) I love my sweet baby! The poor kid is bound to be spoiled rotten. Oh well. I'm happy to do it!
So there you have it. My kids are my life. Sometime that is a good thing, sometimes not- but it is what it is. I figure I'll get the hang of this mothering thing eventually, hopefully before I screw Rylie up too badly :-)
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